smile

its been a while, i haven't over the past months had the drive to Blog as a lot has been going on, but now things are slowing down. a few good points is that i have finally started a book that i have been dying to do for years, thank you to my wonderfull friend for the copious amounts of encoragement and getting me on my feet, your wonderfull! spending a month in africa has also opened my eyes to everything that i take for granted, iv never smiled so much in my life and nothhing seems to bring me down.
i hope to start a job soon which will allow me to get more animals as im dying to get a chameleon and some more frogs to add to my collection, ribbit! im hoping this time that ill post more and carry on and i may even add bits of my book :)
much love

"hakuna matata"

whats the point in a blog?

the question that my boyfriend has just been asking to me and my friend, whats the point in a blog?
Personaly my blog is for expressing myself to myself or to anyone that is reading it, its a way of calming myself down and to put everything into perspective before i react, my last post was a perfect example of that as at that moment in time i was struggling and finding it really hard. the stress that seems to melt away when iv finnished writing whether im upset or generly really angry, it helps me.

....

I need somebody to talk to because i physically feel broken, appoligies for posting twice or possibly more by the way the evening is going but at this moment in time my feelings on the screen infront of me seem quite reasuring, is it sad that a inanimate object with my words on is setteling my soul? i really hoped my blog wouldnt get too emotional as its not really me to get upset, not the new me anyway, maybe its time to put my history onto paper? show how i gave myself a new life by fighting? but to me that would seem desperate as if i was seeking attention using the guilt trip of my past. i swear i could go on for hours here as each word apears im feeling better, using any subject to create a distraction. am i actually talking to myself or is someone actually out there reading this little snippet of my life at the moment, i wonder if they or you are smiling right now because the thought of someone actually reading this is making me smile a little bit, if i said thank you who would it be too but i really am, the throbbing of my heart and brain has numbed and feel relaxed, im happy with what i have wrote and dont feel a quote is needed.

I hope your happy!

The moment when your own sister turns to you and uses the phrase "im going off this family" litulary kills you inside. the pain as i walked out that room and thought to myself whats the point of even being here if all it seems im doing is sweet f a and having backs turned on me. I suspose it serves me right for caring, i hope you enjoy it while it lasts because right now you are abusing your friends and family and the rate your going no one will be there to catch you when you fall.

" i didn’t want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry"

worth it

A tonsillectomy has to be one of the most painfull operations i have ever had and actually made me wonder if it was actually worth it. 17 lots of tonsilitis in 2 years really was getting stupid but the pain i have had for the last four days really is taking the buiscuit :( more to the point i think im trying to say that doing somthing that is bad for the meantim will be better for the future, and i suspect thats the same with most things. all i have to remember is that it will improve my life after this pain finally disapears.

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can"

annoyed would be an understatement

I realise i have just posted but i feel the need for a rant about crtain people that really really hack me off. being on a level 3 course and having a lecturer that makes you feel like you are still in primary school really makes me wonder if i am actually considered the slightest bit capable of understanding general information. Her irrogence and ignorance and generally her is so mentally draining, that may sound so bloomin bad the fact that i am bitching but seriously not many people annoy me to a point where i can write a large paragraph on such an annoyance.

i cant find a suitable quote so i suspose this is the end of my post of my rant :)

Trying and failing

Despite all our hard work 3 of the baby mice passed away today, i thought loosing one was bad but 3 have kind of overwhelmed me, the feeling of all our efforts being in vain and the thoughts that i may have done somthing wrong keeps playing over and over in my head. The one little one that is left still seems strong and healthy but so did the others yesterday, the fact that this one may only have a limited time left is quite difficult to think about. death is like a torture to those that are left and those that have tried to help. 

"lives are like candles in the wind"